Alive, yes.  Happy, yes.  What else do ya really need.

The title implies enough.  I have a problem.  A problem that should be well under my control but yet has been out of it.  I've made my decision not to drink for a while, maybe indefinitely.  Yeah, I'm 24 going on 25 in a little more than a month but the stuff gets me into embarrassing situations, avoidable physical pain, and longer lasting mental anguish.  I am sick of having cuts, bruises, and various aches from sources I don't know or can't remember.  I am tired of being "that guy", because no one likes being "that guy".  Hell, in my opinion, it's worse than being the smelly kid, and nobody ever liked the smelly kid.  When those occasions arise when "that guy" is around, it makes a big difference who is relaying you the information about what "that guy" did.  Laughing/jovial connotation makes it more forgivable in your own mind.  "I ended up alright, my head sure hurts like hell and I have no idea where this cut on my hand came from, but all's well that end's well."  But when the negative/disapproving connotation is put upon the same event, and reiterated through countless comments, it puts a whole new spin on it, obviously.  It makes you feel like less of a person., like those people you look at sitting at the end of the bar that have been there all day, and thinking to yourself, “glad I’m not that bad.”  I don’t want to be “that guy“, God damn it, I don’t want to be “that guy”.

I’m not much of a salesman right now.  I want to do something, but can’t sell the idea. I want to have friends over for a post 4th of July event, but I can’t sell it how I want it, I can’t communicate it how I want to.  It is frustrating the hell out of me.  Calling the whole thing off isn’t a desirable choice.  Yeah… Damn it, damn it, damn it. 

I’m expecting no comments, I typically don’t get them so why should this be any different.

Wow, I guess I didn't realize how long it has been since I last posted on here.  January 18th, I must have been bored.  This is going to be a vent session.  I had what I would consider to be a bad day, considering the thought that passed through my mind yesterday.  Yesterday I worked hard, somewhere between 10 and 13 hours worked.  I thought to myself that a life in farming and ranching would be wonderful.  Feeling good about a long day worked, knowing that you have accomplished something in a day is the way that I what to go to sleep every night.  Today didn't end up the same.  It started later than I intended, that didn't help my disposition starting the day.  Everything went rather smoothly until noon.  I had frustrating difficulties with our "1 shot cure-all" trying to get it loaded.  That was a piss in the ocean in comparison to what happened a matter of hours and minutes ago.  Rather costly mistakes.  I was told to haul some "slick" calves to market.  I felt good about the endeavor.  I feel I am not trusted to do anything around here and when I am commissioned with anything of this nature, I feel motivated to do a good job.  So I call a couple of friends to came and help me sort the slick calves off and get them loaded into the trailer and haul them to the sales ring.  First thing is when we were chasing them into another pen, I slipped and jammed my pinkie on a bale feeder and I think I sprained it.  Have you ever heard of anyone spraining their damn pinkie?  Ok, well we get everything sorted and everything looks fine and dandy.  I go to get the cattle trailer to back it in.  In the meanwhile the others are moving the sorted off calves to another pen to make backing in easier.  One good thing, previous to them moving the calves to a different pen.  We move the cattle that we had just sorted off into the original pen, "just in case".  Well, "just in case" happened.  The damn bastard slicks knock the damn gate off the hinges allowing themselves into the pen in which we had just chased the other cows out of, trouble averted, but still a pain in the ass.  So when everything back in order we load the bastard calves into the trailer.  That goes well, too well.  I have a load, it looks large but I am just happy to have the damn bastard slick calves gone and off the farm.  So I thank my help, give them a beverage of their choice and I am on my way to the sales ring.  It feels like a heavy load, I was expecting that.  What I wasn't expecting is what Garrett would refer to as "BOOM!"  I blow a tired on the heavily loaded trailer.  Ok, alright, I have all the tools necessary to change a tire; jacks, tire iron, inflated spare.  So I put to jack under the axle.  It works, barely.  It's a 2 ton jack, 4,000 pounds lift capacity.  I was hauling roughly 12,500 pounds of beef not counting what the trailer weighed.  So my little jack that could got the trailer high enough to get the blown tired off, but failed to get the trailer high enough to get the other tire on, dilemma. I try to assist my little jack that could(n't) with a handy man jack.  The short of that is I put enough pressure on the handy man jack that I sheared a bolt of in it rendering it useless to me.  Thank God for the kindness of strangers.  Someone who knows me and I don't know them (that happens a lot) brings me a bigger jack and we get the tire changed and I am on my way, an hour later. (This is a key to the next, most serious problem)  I finally get to the sales ring an hour and 45 minutes after leaving home.  I go to unload and there's one that won't get off, won't get up.  To this moment, 10:30 pm, it still hasn't gotten up.  The drive home with my one little precious bastard calf was horrible.  Once I got home I got the "what the f*$% were you doing" talk.  Ended up making the deal that if that calf didn't get up, it was mine.  The "you break it, you buy it" policy.  So, if that little bitch doesn't get up tomorrow or the next day, that's $500 bucks out of my pocket. (thank you Mr. Bush for buying me a BASTARD CALF!)  So the "what the f*$%" talk sets in and I'm thinking, "what the f*$%?", and I feel the exact opposite of how I felt yesterday.  Yeah, that's my story, thank you for listening, hopefully your day goes better than the one described above.  Good luck and goodnight.